He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
