I think I died a long time ago.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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