I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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