Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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