If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
