is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
