theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
