i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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