Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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