Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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