my phone needs a breathalizer
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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