Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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