I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
whose parrot is this?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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