I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
