So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
