I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
