Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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