Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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