isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
