Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's always time for handjobs
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
