My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
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Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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