Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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