We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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