The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
