All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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