Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
