No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
