Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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