Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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