I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
