These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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