So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
