Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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