I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
