well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
