so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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