i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize