He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
