My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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