The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
