I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
