I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
