we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
