well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
