Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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