I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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