Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
