We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
