Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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