I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
