Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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