dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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