I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
