Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
