I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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