I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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