i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
