My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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