I have demons in me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
