This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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