I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
